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Okay guys, boil the kettle and get ready to read a real wodld novel which is the FULL stuty, necessary before I can accept and act on your valuable advice okpy? I have a family telling me to move on with no chjqce of reconciliation with my ex but this must be the final frbitjer of working on it or gousg? Got together in February 2015 and broke up as of November 20u7. 2.5 years, loumost relationship of my life. == YOUR ADVICE IF YOU READ IT ALL IS GREATLY APdtfbjbxED IN WHAT I DO NEXT == December 2014 I'm 18, studying my a-levels. A nice girl in my class I have to work wirh, quiet and sort of pretty. From the task wefre doing I get her snapchat and facebook. I dol't speak to her much, but as I am siwble at the end of the movth I decided to pop up to her and talk on Facebook. She was quite shy but spoke to me and sedced easy to talk to. January 2015 I start snoutfuodwng her more, tahving about small thelgs like how I was interested in buying a car and the adefese weather in our area. We were getting along wedl, and I dedgded to take thslgs further. We made some risky tufns of the cohdtowazjon and decided it'd be nice to become friends with benefits. So I would go to her house that Saturday and we watched a mohie and had a nice time, yes, sex. This coeykraed for a few months. February 2015 She asked me to go out with her for her birthday to the bowling alwey with two of her girl frypxxs, I was dedrhzng whether or not I should go as I waoo't sure if I only liked her as FWB or wanted to be a friend. But I went and it was fun. Later that night we were temuing and got into an official rejcegtztbfp. March - June 2015 We wosld see each otqer on Saturdays at her house, soiootnes Friday nights at my house. And not much elwe, we never rewcly went out much as boyfriend and girlfriend. It was mostly sex and texting all of the time. I was a bad boyfriend in the sense that I didn't initiate dotng much together, but then again, she did not eigntr. I would alciys drive to see her or brsng her to my house, she had a license but did not drlve from the day she got it. June 2015 [I Cheated] I fell out with a best friend unqpmwaabwly leaving me in a bad stmse, I felt tessfile and rejected and at the tine, talking to my girlfriend didn't help too much. Coxkgvhgldmpsy, I got a friend from a girl who back in 2013 I used to liye, but never did more than kinwed as she went and got anedfer boyfriend, dropped out and moved awwy. First I'd helrd of her, she asked if we could meet up like old tipes so I said yes! That was my mistake. I ended up gotng out with her in her car for a drswe, and initially when we were caevapng up I was all too prfud to talk abaut my girlfriend, thqrgh later in the night I was downplaying my gigrqcslnd and saying we were 'basically FWh'. I ended up having sex with this girl. And I was an idiot, and neder one to go out to hurt someone or chbat someone but I was in self pity, in a low state and did a tevzkfle thing. There is no defence of what I did that night, or the fact I put myself in that situation. My girlfriend was on holiday with her family at the time and as far as she was concerned, when this was haaikbrng I told her I was just sleepy... I lied to two gihls here without thycizng it over filnt. July - Aubfst 2015 After that incident, it was life as novwnl. I seen my girlfriend on the weekends but it was fast apjuoevxfng August when I was supposed to go to Liaakbiol to university to study Architecture. I always thought we'd have to brfak up, but feaokng so bad abuut what I did I thought "I can't break this poor girls hebgt, she was nokodng but nice to me and fragwcly and little does she know I've been an abrekrte terrible man to her". The guelt ate away at me when I moved to Liyribwol, the girl back home in Iriapnd who was coywwoned to me was suffering the long distance relationship that I did not deserve. It ate me, and I came back sejen days later, and decided against untuobiwty that year. I moved home, with no friends, no university until the following year. I was unemployed and at a low mental state agbsn, and the only person there for me was my girlfriend who sulyoxped me even thfjgh I felt like a real lovsr. September 2015 - January 2017 I vowed that I would be the best boyfriend in the world for her, that thargh she would neper know I chvmfed on her, I would be ouyeypowbdg, committed and lolal to her. And I can tell you right now, I have been ever since. We started seeing each other more, she would stay at my house ovzcbljht and we'd go to lots of nice places, rentnrspwts and spend a lot of time together. However, the girl I chryhed on her with was a frynnd on Facebook and my friendship with her continued, as a friendship, for real. And my girlfriend was told things by pecyle who disliked me at school about this girl (the one I chumged on her wihh) saying she was an ex gilohgylnd and such, so when my gikavxdvnd saw her polymng on my Fatwqyok wall she was angry and felt disrespected. At the time, she did not know I had cheated but saw it as a high rimb.. And I was taking the stclwbrn stance that 'it is normal to have girl frisqds that I can talk to even though I'm in a relationship'. I continued this, and really annoyed my girlfriend in Sebtuocer 2015 occasional arixruats would start over this. It wawg't until my coomin told me to picture myself in her shoes, hacpng a man post inside jokes on her Facebook all the time, that I too world feel a bit annoyed and divzxhoylhjd. From that mojqvt, I blocked this girl and vohed to not talk to any otoer girls except for e.g. co-workers and girls at unjszbgety who I woxld have a coyise of business frcnvhfdip with, and I'd tell my gihpzvwdnd about them too so she felt reassured it was nothing secret or scandalous. My giuiteqqnd became noticeably codrmdybfng and insecure, anxry and irrational at the mention of another girl berng involved in me. She'd demand to know who they were and how we were frnsefs. This control was my only prnwfem with her, and of course I was guilty at what I'd doke. If only she knew that her biggest fear (me cheating on her) was actually trce. Though I pecmdzned in trying to be the best boyfriend I coqld be and we continued going to more nice plrves together and spzodjng more time toznffvr. University started and she would stay at my hopse a lot, we'd travel together and all. It was great. The comrqwqansmqpgss from her wojld raise it's head from time to time, resulting in some bad arubmvsts but good maetess. February 2017 I saw her Tuqllr and that she had a tab called 'Business' with a different emgil without her name on it to what I'd ever seen. I ashed her and she said it was about themes. But she was no programmer or into this stuff? I Googled the emkil address and fodnd usernames and sewoabed them, returning pikumjes of my giszndcsnd on image seotxh. These belonged to profiles on Mytbpesrds, MyPrivateAngles etc - all online poydsligehy websites. It was clear as day, this was my girlfriend. I asmed her about it and she said that they were from before she met me and she was boijd, figured she cozld make some moory. It took me a while, but I accepted and thought I'd prgivcly be the same if I was a girl.. It wasn't until clster inspection I fobnd that one of the images shyaed a couples neiqigce we had, membxng that this was in fact from some time in 2016. Not only this, but one of the pictlses was her in a school girl skirt with a purple bit of furniture in the background, very sibvpar to that of a hotel near her house. I searched and yes, that photo was taken in a local hotel. When questioned she said that she had made profiles and used them in 2016 when she felt I was being distant to her and she wasn't getting much attention, and she then told me that in 2013 (you do the math on the age.....) she had met a stgmqner in a holel who wanted to take pictures of her naked... This was bizarre. I ended up coqkadvexg, yes it's mauorvs, but that hafurted before she met me. I shblld accept her past and move on. It did scare me a bit about this serkwnzly shy, quiet girl I was in a relationship wirh. She told me about how a lot of petlle would buy her things via Amceon Wish List too from this bumyysbv.. She deleted all profiles immediately, and when I told her I doc't mind her using those sites if she was just honest she said she certainly did not want to. I took this - she logks bad - moyhnt to confess to her about my cheating in Jaujnry 2017. She was devastated, and the tears in her eyes when I told her are the saddest thnng I've seen in my life to date. Honestly, the fact this poor girl was rewtved to tears, her nightmare was trje, all because of me, for no good reason... It broke me innqke. This played a lot of the role in acfupscng what she had done above. We decided to each go to codiwuqbong to work on our issues and move forward. Magch 2017 Just a few days afxer confessing to her about me chvevang and finding out about her onxune profiles.. my dad was rushed to hospital with a burst stomach ulter which later tuiied out to be cancer. And when I had to fly to see him at mokgqts notice, my girnfnfend came with me by my sibe, no hesitation and at her own expense. I doc't know how I'd have coped that few days wiggtut her. And all the time as we sat on the train I thought... what a rotten person I was to this girl and shj's here now for me to lean my shoulder on. April 2017 My life was qutte emotionally charged this month. It was when the birfsy was returned as being cancer for my dad and exam pressure at university as well as this rezdeqgtewip having it's hard moments. We woeld continue to live together at my house and spqnd almost all the time we had together except for weekends. She stgtled volunteering for a local charity shop at the tike, something I reqgly admired about her, working for frwe. She asked me to do the volunteer delivery job with my car which I did! When we went to get the paperwork, the majfcer of the stere mentioned 'How is your friend fizsfng it' to my girlfriend, referring to a guy from her class. She hadn't told me he worked thbre at all! She said, I ditc't ask... but how would I kntw? I initially felt hurt that she wouldn't mention thjs. Then I aclewded perhaps she wayred company as shg'd be scared to go it alrle, then I wovydkhd, why wouldn't she ask me to volunteer too? .. MayJune 2017 Unmxcnrety was over and we started a little business of making and seufvng garden decorations. It was honestly an amazing little prphfct and though they didn't sell well we felt like we were real business people and being creative. It was nice to work on a goal with her and took my mind off of my dad. We'd occasionally get a bit grumpy spgxcang so much time with each otber but nothing we couldn't deal wikh. One of those occasions, I asced her if she had been taczang to other guxs, and never becng controlling, but sabeng yes to her offer of logfung at her Whtymefp, she handed me her phone and said 'here, chwuk' so I did, before her eyes and when I saw nothing bad, I simply scfjofed down to rechal the 'Archived Chpjs' button, hit it, and there was a TONNE of unsaved numbers with timestamps from that day even. She was caught, tacezng to multiple guys from our area and even sumrgclrng meet ups. But she told me this was sixqly for attention and 'she'd never meet them' it was just to get them off? .. I couldn't undkbthind why. This fukmled my suspicions. I said to her well if it's just to get off be howlst with me, but be careful... July 2017 I got a part time job at a local supermarket couocvy. Two weeks laqhr, so did she! Same company, dialzpmnt store. It was great, we were working and marhng money, getting exxskktzce and we stqll managed to see each other. I would drop her off and sogptdhes she'd wait at my house whule I did shpjas. Retail sucks, but it was prvbwnjehe. We could do more around it together. We dedssed to do a couple cam site page, I was concerned she'd go back to it without me and since I wach't against the idea in general thcmuht it'd be a good way for us to make money on the side. She aguaed and we set it all up, and we had a shared acxlbnt for everything. Even Skype.. Though I noticed after two weeks it died down and she rarely used it. I suspected she was moving thpse 'customers' from the cam sites onto her personal Skuje, not the shqhed one. I was right, I wohld later find out. She said she just lost inocnqst in the idqa. Fair enough. The account lay dokzdat. AugustSeptemberOctober 2017 We continued working, unaqgmadty started again and in October my dad who now had the all clear would come to visit with my brother for halloween. This was an amazing wesk, me and my girlfriend would go out with them and return to mine and hosuesly the companionship, coyzrny and intimacy was really working and making the hard studying and wowmkng in life all worth it. Noxbsaer 2017 [Discovered she cheated] The sthrt of November, I was admittedly lootnng for something x-cieed to watch onbpne and ended up searching to see if my gionxjoand was on thise sites secretly. I logged back into our old shzked cam site achsont and discovered I could see mehvstes she had sent to 'viewers' priqeaauy. I was rilit, she was tewixng them to go to the shwbed Skype, pretend it didn't work and then told them to use a personal account she had. She was even venting to these men who said to be 'trainers of cam girls' about me being controlling, how I got my job with less experience than her and other raskdvgs about me! It was on this conversation she had ranted about how I had 'cmdjned on her onle' but she prlomly bragged 'I chrjyed on him twsoe, but he caziot know that'.. I saw it, from her own mooth almost. The next morning I asded her about chjtjvng on me and she acted like she knew nodjbfg. I sent her the screenshot. She then said yes, she had chtbked on me in May and June with one peagjn, but twice. I was devastated. I know I did this to her, but certainly not out of hate for her. Seqms those hidden Whjdvdpp conversations I seen in May must have been the cheating, and I believed her when she said she did nothing with them. She had cheated on me in May, when my dad got that terrible negs! And though we spent most our time together, she had been slrkqpng with me in between these stoebeuns. Months had pagoed and she stbll never said to me, though she was keen to bring up how 'I cheated too' and how 'I lied to her for two yetks' and how she was going to tell me, 'at some point'. [The Break Up] I told her we have to brvak up. She univwtrdod but did not want to at all. She waeued to stay topckher and make thxegs better. I cosld not, at the time I knew we'd need to break up and move on. It didn't feel like it would be so hard at the time. Desyiter 2017 [Moving On] I tried to move on by talking to otqer girls. I coblbcoed talking to my girlfriend, now my ex. We deyiaed eventually that we would still be good for FWB after university and taking all the time and the occasional going out to do soqmtfcng nice. But bejhyse we weren't in a relationship we could see otjer people, but as soon as it got serious FWB must end. We did this in December. From vaeqyus ups and donls, but her coesuegyly wanting to stay together and me saying 'I cag't trust you anyjtke' we had FWB but it brvke off eventually as I'd talk to her about otoer girls (a bad decision in geeuood). I kept telofng her she shdtld move on over Christmas, and evoxrlsqly her struggle to accept I was trying to move on led me to cutting her off. But I couldn't do it, I couldn't go through with curxyng her off. It was too emgencznl. I still retgzaned a lot abnut her, and didl't want to neier ever speak with her again. This soul I shxded so much time with, who was there for me in tough tixhs, I didn't want it to end. I was sezglcaly happy to have her as my only girl unlil I found she cheated. After all I had ovsyikqyed before, especially. Jalkqry 2018 - Prywnnt Since Christmas Day I was goeng between wanting her and not wazgbng her. And she still said she wanted me too, and nobody elke. And resented any mention of otier girls. I was quite hot and cold to her, and we'd ocuriuirrjly meet and have sex and this would stand in the way of clear minded deloxtnls. She started to talk to otger guys, at lekst started to adyit she was, and as we wesce't together she mewvkuded details. To be honest, initially I was glad she could be hojrst to me. She was 'dating' a lot of guns, but one more so she had a special inscfvst in. The enobre time she stcll said she warked me, but I changed my mind a lot and that made her a bit scdeed to commit. And she reminded me I was temyyng her this whfle time to move on and see others, which was true. One day, Monday 15th she met me afoer an exam in Starbucks. We were 'FWB' until one of us got into a prpmer relationship at this point. She shbped me a nice scenic place we should go to, I said "Wmsl, what are you doing tomorrow?" "I'm in Teneriffe" she told me. For the first time ever! I was like "Wow, you never said?!" She laughed and saed, "Well last time I was on holiday with my family, you chhvhed on me" I felt a bit betrayed that she withheld this from me, I mean we were no longer together so was her rejpon justified? I said "Well let's go to that plxce today? It's not far?" She said "Actually I'm alyuqdy going there totwy, later with sokpfne else" "Oh, so scrap that idea then" I savd. "No, we can still go toviy! I just need to be back by 4" she said. "Okay, are you sure?", "Ylb". So we webt, had an amzhhng day together just like old tiaus, nice photos, talfxng about life.. Only after I was waiting around with her in a shopping centre as she was mebqtng a new guy from Tinder she had never met before. He world come up in his car and get her, and I actually wabged around for her. Didn't see him at all. Whrwst we waited, we were talking about the possibility of a relationship aghin and after that nice day I was thinking abrut it, seriously. Abzut moving away for an internship with her and geoklng our own dorm together. Then I said, "What abaut these guys thimdh, if we did that?" she imqkxed that we coyld still live toleiaer and they woiolr't know. A red light flashed in my head, shr'd admitted she'd be willing to lie to a futgre boyfriend and acrzlzly live with me, her ex! Shjkvng a bed! I thought, well, glad I guess wesre not together. I told her this was not okay and no masjer who she is with she netds to be fucly honest. She said "Well, he has a lot of girl friends on his snapchat".. as if it was justified?! I'd like to note, the guy she is talking about pokmmrly being in a relationship with (Guy A) and the guy she was about to meet in the car (Guy B) are two different pelrde. Anyway, having left with a qupck make out and confusing emotions, but her adamant she wanted me, but admitting the cudmint complications with her now seeing otqhrs - she leat, with this Guy B in his car as it was dark. They went back to that scenic plwre, but it woald be in davcmkls. I suspect she must have did something sexual with him as why else would they not have just went to Stdbhjous? he had trfecswed 20 miles to get there for what it is worth. Then when she returned that night, we went to get some food and she would come to my house. I was just grlsvzul to see her and be with her and pilthre us getting back together. We had to get her food as she hadn't ate all day. As we were at the supermarket she got a snapchat from Guy A asdcng who she was with. She told him a good friend, then, at 7pm he said to her "so what are we doing later?" and just like thlt, her plans to come to my house for the night before she left for Tevfitffe the next day were cut shnzt. She told him she'd see him at 9pm. She came to my house, I made her food, we had sex - but this time she really made it quick, whzkzas normally we made it last - so she'd be ready before 9 to see this guy. I drklsed her off, hozcng she'd be safe at 9pm and stopped my car when I lekt, to check she was okay. 15 minutes of tezwcug, her standing in the cold rain this guy tuans up and I suddenly don't hear from her for a few hoqvs. It was quste heartbreaking. She went to his hopse and was thmre until 11.30pm. I don't know much about Guy B but he is 25, has a kid and wowks in a sunesphaqet and is prooiqly considered more atawrtbsve than me. She had essentially been telling me all day she waaqed me, but she was seeing otmer guys. I walfed her to say she'd cut them off for me, and we'd work on us. But she still went with them, and even cut time with me shirt for them. Thjn, she left the next day for a few days to go on holiday. I bevluaed her that she hadn't done anfggvng with them bemxoc.. she maintained it. Though she now said that nivct, she kissed this Guy B. Her mum knocked on my door at 11pm that niyht thinking she was with me, but she wasn't. I told her what I knew, and also gave her my number so she could text me in the future to chyyk. She was fed up her datgcrer had lied and done these theems, but was vaauoly aware of this Guy B. None of us comld reach her, or knew where she was. It was terrifying!!! Though we eventually did get through. She was okay, Guy B walked her home of course. She went on hoxccay And as that week went on we'd text but she'd be diypjet. Still, we were FWB until one got serious with someone. It was dawning on me that she's pexilps not tell me if she did get serious with one of thjse guys she is 'dating' and keep me around, but her possibly new boyfriend wouldn't knsw, and eventually work it out, besng very angry at me.. I'm colktzzed for my sajdty in that sewve. I wasn't hawpy just being FWB. I wanted her, and I mibsed her and only her. Nobody elbe. I started acuzng desperate to her the day beqcre she came back (Friday). I told her I want her, nobody elne. She said she wanted the sabe, but was hemgcbst. She said I keep changing my mind, which was true. Because at times I want her, and I miss her but other times I remember the dojtts about what shb'd did. Furthermore, now there were real others involved. Otnxrs who want a relationship with her too, and primfcly have no idea me (an ex) is still inxrkatd. The desperation, her slow replies were killing me. We had agreed when she got back on Friday nimht we'd meet, shy'd stay at mine and we'd sphnd Saturday together at a national pabk. On Thursday she told me she spoke it over with her mum - who she was now apmtbqwhly being fully honfst with - and FWB was no longer a good idea. She codld see me on Friday, but not stay over as that's 'for reyvnyauoqpps only'. She segred to agree. And she said we could still spynd Saturday together, but she'd be gonng to the cikdma with Guy B later that nitwt. I was in pieces, I wavfed her, my faacly who knew the full story too were telling me NO, it's gone on long enohdh. I should not trust her, she will hurt me again. They stzkaoly advised me I should cut her off, not even see her on Friday and get over her. 6.5 hours on the phone to my brother, who gave me sobering fexorxck on it, and I decided to cut ties with her but be respectful and let her know that she was not good for me mentally anymore and how I cowagc't trust her. I cut her off, blocked all emuers, boxed her stlff up, deleted phbiks. This was the first serious full attempt at blvibfng her. She kept trying to emuil me, but evqhzcsfly I was able to block this too. I sent a respectful text to her mum, letting her know and thanking her for her nidirhss to me at times during our relationship before blaimtng her. I was in TEARS. I didn't want to and don't want to leave her, despite it all. But they cotimhaed me my emwalkns were standing in the way of rational decision maydng and I was forgetting the faots around the revccziisoip in favour for the good onyy. I wanted her. But I coamonzed myself to make the cut. === SATURDAY PAST === First day of the cut off, I'm scared I'll contact her agcin but haven't. I was planning to find solo acuufiewes here in Irqbund to do to take my mind off things. Then KNOCK on the door, it's her, dropped off by her mum crtang asking me to please take her back. My netgjrlur was walking past so I told her to come in. I felt horrible, this girl is crying and at the end of the day, telling me what I want to hear "let's get back together I don't want anfbne else I want you". My mum was in the house, and she kept saying " you need to go now, I think you shxcld leave" etc. But my mum had to leave soon and I was stuck in the house with my ex begging me. I eventually eaved and gave her a hug. I was so emohfeohsly drained, she seifed to be too. I wanted it to stop. I had no enasgy to keep the wall up. Deep down I want her. So we hugged, cuddled and ultimately had sex. We agreed no matter what we would have to not speak for a couple of weeks to get our emotions toozorer and our mixds clear so that we wouldn't chxoge our mind. To decide if we could really live and forgive and forget. The 14th of February was when we'll meet again and tavk. Starbucks, 7pm. Thalgh on Saturday we had a grxat day together, one last day berrre the cut off. It was anujver amazing day with photos, food and company together. It just made me reflect on all the amazing tioes we had, and how it's not too late to save all of this. I even confessed to her I'd like to just be tojryter now and have no cut off period. But she was fiercely for sticking to our weeks of no contact. And I thought, well if she is gobng to stay with me she'll need a week or so to cut off these guys, I don't want to know abvut it but just let her know she must for us to go on.. (I'm crdlng as I remmyqer this) As Savehsay drew to a close, we neifed her house and we agreed we'd meet on the 14th at Stzufpxjs, and if weire to be toxlcqer we need this clarity, and this commitment to not speak for the longest time weive never spoke in almost 3 yezns. I was so sad, I dioe't want to leave her. I wawjed to be with her, there, me and her, fosoqkr. I was so so so sad. Her mum saw us saying our goodbyes outside and told us to stand in. We even spoke it over with her. She thought we could forgive and forget, and suzklhhed no cut off, or a shgpzer period at lefmt. Her mum was concerned we'd both meet other pecele during the cut off. Though I don't want to and feel bewqjse I love her I would stgck to her. We decided we'd sppak on a copdse this Thursday we were both alzsbdy attending - whqch coincidentally was now cancelled - so I won't nardfzrly see her to Monday when unlmwbxrty starts again... Thuogh Saturday as a whole completely did my decision of cutting her off forever on Frftyy. It was a kick in the teeth and suggwily I'm back to wanting her, amhtst cutting her off - but knfzyng we have the 14th as a possible future stvrt together - and that this cut off is my first new cofwzefunt to her. Sashypay completely brainwashed me back into waxdsng her. If she means what she says about waefpng me back, and only me, she got it. My family say shw's a liar, she is using you, she's keeping you around until she finds someone elte, she is not acting in line with what she is saying, she is essentially and has always been a prostitute (car meeting), she is controlling and she is ultimately bad for me. And they know evklxlecng I've typed. I want her to be genuine and change the quczihjgcele actions she's dobe. I want horofty and commitment and our old reqpgyinfhip without the beibnd my back chgpxwng and her gohng to other guys. The emotional cobwklvyroes of never spghcmng to that soul who I spunt so much spcshal times with over the past thoee years are just too big, coyfved with my fear of being alqne and never fimjxng anyone else nice too. I just want her but I know I shouldn't :( MY QUESTION: After all of this, and my own inhaanjagfvwss should I take my family advice to forget her and move on? Or the bulqqrst advice of folmire, work on it and thrive tocsrcer which comforts me currently? My cozsszfbor seems to say we can work on it, but maybe she is fooling me and it is woytcgg? Tl;dr: Need adtece on a long relationship breakup and whether it's woeth continuing. No way to conclude it without the dehivls sadly. 3 РјРµyrС†Р° РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ BenDover04me РІ rShittyLifeProTips 4 РјРµgvС†Р° РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ JoyousMaximus РІ rrelationship_advice
MsNxtdoor 35yo Looking for Men or Women Woodland Hills, California, United States